X Marks The Spot

But how do you decide between two? Decisions are looming on the horizon, and I’m not sure I’m ready to choose.

Almost 2 years ago, I had a similar conundrum. I was fresh out of college and totally bewildered, J and I had been together for a few months and I was already fairly convinced that I wanted to move to Sweden some day. But having no sense of direction, I’d pretty much decided that time was now.

Looking back, it does seem daft. Back then it was still a trial for me to speak English in a social situation, let alone another language I hardly understood. I had no idea what the system was for emigrating, I had no idea how to manage my own finances, I was barely eighteen… the list goes on!

And though, honestly, most of those things still apply to me now, it’s at least to a lesser degree. But I find myself back in the same place. Reaching the mid-way point in my first year of university. Still learning Swedish, still annoying J on a regular basis. And now I have to decide what to do.

Should I spend my 2nd year of university in Sweden?

I’ve been looking into the Erasmus scheme and if a course spot is available for me in the place I’m hoping it will be, then it could work! And I can see the benefits:

  • I’d get to experience Swedish culture (again)
  • I’d be able to take an elective in the language, which could help me immensely!
  • I’d be near to where J lives, so I could see him weekly instead of once or twice a year
  • If I truly want to live in Sweden, it’d be a great way to immerse myself
  • And it’d look good on a job application, too!’

However

  • I am a massive introvert. And I mean MASSIVE. I spend the vast majority of term time alone in my room, actively avoiding my flatmates. And try as I might, I just cannot seem to shift my social anxiety. I feel like an oversized child most days.
  • I am a MASSIVE introvert. (Did I say that already?) I want to be able to speak Swedish, but how on earth am I going to speak to strangers if I can’t even speak to my boyfriend without having a panic attack?
  • Essentially, the thought of being inevitably alone in another country absolutely terrifies me.

The vast majority of my lecture notebooks are filled with all kinds of these grammatically stunted inner monologues. (Plus some bonus Google translated and probably hilariously incorrect song lyrics – o’ the joys of boredom!) I swear there’s some actual lecture notes in there somewhere…

Decisions, decisions!

 

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3 thoughts on “X Marks The Spot

  1. Do it! I’m a working guy now and it is SO much harder to make that decision! I would do it! I wish I was you and I could do it!

    Also, if you want a learning partner, I know I’d be grateful for one. How many people do you know in real life that you can discuss Swedish with?

    Again, in the words of a well known sports brand “Just Do It!”

    • I’m actually quite alone really. I have J and he tries to help me, but I think he’s getting a bit fed up with my reluctance, so we don’t try so much any more. I have those I speak to online, but that’s it! And I’m more than happy for us to help each other out. 🙂

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