Am I serious?

Yesterday morning something happened that left me feeling a little… well, irked.

I’d arrived a little early to college and had one of my Swedish books in my bag, so I decided to get it out and read it until my first class started. Now, since this particular class is quite small, it was just myself and one other student in the room – an acquaintance who, upon spotting the book in my hand, opened his mouth and said:

“Are you actually serious about this whole Sweden thing?” 

Of course, I replied. Why wouldn’t I be?

“It just seems a little… I thought it was just some teenage fantasy!”

I laughed and told him that no, it wasn’t – but inside I could feel my gut twisting up into a tangled little bundle of uncertainty. I had hoped that all the times that I’d talked about my plans would’ve shown my perseverance, but apparently not even people my own age can take me seriously. And what of all the adults who likely see me as so much younger and less mature than my peers do?

In many ways, this mindset reeks of hypocrisy. Whilst I, at almost 18, am suddenly expected to just know what university course or career I want to set my heart on – which could potentially have massive repercussions in later life – I’m still apparently viewed as somehow incapable of making a decision like this. Why is it so absurd for me to want to experience a different life with someone I care about? If I was a few years older, I doubt this would even be an issue.

I suppose it all comes down to the assumption that I can’t really care about my boyfriend, as though the 2,000 kilometres that separate us for most of the year somehow makes our relationship null and void in the eyes of those people whose partners are only a few streets away. Pop that on top of the age-old cliché that “young love never lasts” and I’m supposedly living a complete lie! But I know from the time that J and I have spent together that that couldn’t be further from the truth.

And whilst any concrete decision is still a long way away – at the very least until we’re both out of college – it’s not as though I’ve not done my research these past few months. I understand the upheaval that such a move will cause and I’m still considering the possible consequences – I’m under no illusion that any of this will be easy. (And yes, I am scared!) But if it’s what I want, then why should it immediately be disregarded just because I’m still young? This is the first time in a long time that I’ve truly looked forward to anything!

And besides, where’s the fun in life if you don’t take a few risks? 😉

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2 thoughts on “Am I serious?

  1. I think what you’re doing is truly amazing, and your dedication to learn Swedish is greater than anything I’ve ever seen before.
    You should not care what other people think about it, as long as you do what makes yourself happy.
    Your age shouldn’t make any difference in this – Like I said – It’s amazing what you’re doing 🙂

    Lycka till med svenskan!! 😀

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